As I was typing the sermon notes for “Draw it Out”, Sarah Jakes Roberts said something that really struck me, she said:
“you can’t produce miracles if you are connected to toxicity”
If that isn’t the truth I don’t know what is. I’ve found myself connected to people who were so toxic that they literally sucked the life out of me. I didn’t know who I was, who I wanted to be, but most importantly who God had called me to be. The sad reality is that there are so many people who are dealing with those exact feelings. Feelings of inadequacy, feelings of doubt, and feelings of shame. Feeling as though somewhere inside of you is purpose, and somewhere inside of you is the ability to change the world but you can’t tap into it and deep down you know the reason you can’t tap into it is because of the people you have surrounding you.
It’s almost an identity crisis, you don’t know who you are because you are placing your identity in the hands of people instead of the hands of the Master who crafted you in his perfect image. Which leads to feelings of worthlessness. After all how can you know your worth, if you are seeking validation from others instead of the one who tells you that you are worthy?
I remember feeling like I wanted to change the world, but I couldn’t have any real effect on anything or anyone because I was ashamed of who I was, my sin, and my surroundings. I was a hot mess and I had no clue who I was. It wasn’t until I removed myself, changed my circle, and began to let God work on my mind and heart by reading his word that I started to feel free and whole. I no longer look to others for validation because the only person who I need to validate me is the one who created me and predestined me in my mothers womb.
Getting to the place I am at both spiritually and mentally is no easy task, and I well never paint it to be but it is well worth it.